Summer Guilt

Last month also known as the last month of summer, all I did was ask myself: How did I spent my summer. Well, there is this running joke in Iran about "how did you spent your summer?". The joke is this is the very cliche and typical essay writing topic every teacher thinks of so we fool around our buddies asking this question mocking the teachers. (Well that was awfully hard to explain to an audience that knows zero Persian!) Anyways, I asked myself what was I doing and I got stuck. Seriously what did I do throughout the summer? What did I do? NO IDEA!
After I sat down and thought it through, I realized I had wasted my time a lot, but i didn't change anything, I spent days and days regretting the past. The past: something I will never get back but I kept mourning for the past. There wasn't more to my summer than watching movies and TV series, a little reading books, studying German and visiting a therapist for the first time. Forget the whole travel and relaxing during summer! I worked and studied. I wasted time. All in all, nothing sounded like summer.
The fourth day of autumn  has passed and here I am stuck with summer guilt. Summer guilt is one of the many types of holding on to a past which no longer exists! Bothering ourselves with some thing in order to escape what we really really need to deal with today.The painful issue here is ignoring the now because of the stupid summer guilt!

So my first step was to let go of my summer guilt. If you asked me how I had spent my summer, I would probably say, meh, just fine!

Sarv 101

Is having a blog still a thing? I mean do people still read blogs? Oh, also another question: is blog still something for desperate people who have nothing better to do than pretend to write for a fake audience (no offense!) mainly because they have nothing better to do?

Well, if that's still the case, I can definitely benefit from having a blog. I am going through a lot of issues, but one thing that I have learned is that on surface, people go through various problems and tragedies, however, we can help people see they are not alone. Our problems could bind us together. Problems can help us relate to many people. And that is good. I have always thought I was alone, but whenever I talk to someone I see I am shockingly not the only person with issues. My first lesson to anyone would be: never say no one knows what I am going through. People don't know, however, they will try their best to understand you. Don't build walls around yourself!

So first off, I have many problems, I fear a lot. I doubt many things, but I am aware of all that. 

I would introduce myself more through the days, but for now what I would really like to say is that I am a sociology student, I have social anxiety and I am mostly clueless about what to do with my life. 

So as hard as it must be I am willing to change all that. 

I am a straight A student who thinks she is not as good as she should be by now in her major. I don't speak to my professors because, well, hello? Social PHOBIA! But all that is about to change because I want to change things. Sarv is not my real name. Sarv in Persian is a tall and strong tree. You can never see its leaves yellow. It's ever-green. It is also a symbol of freedom. So that's a cool name choice,I know!

What are my first steps? What am I going to do next? That's all gonna come up in another post.
P.S.: that's Picture of the tree i mentioned above